Wednesday Addams and the Chamber of Secrets
by Areli-Kokuchi
Summary: Wednesday is a first year when harry is a second. Her version of flying cars and dead-pan stares that petrify.
1. Chapter 1

Wednesday Addams and the Chamber of Secrets – what would have happened had the Addams' been around?

What do you think happened to all the letters that arrived at Privet Drive on the Sunday the Dursleys and their nephew suddenly left for the island? When Mr and Mrs Dursley returned they found their house clear of them, but they either did not notice or pretended not to.

The answer to where they went is an interesting story. They were sold on eBay by spying-on-d-dursleys to black-plaits-and-a-matching-cleaver in America.

And so it came to pass that Wednesday Addams got her hands on the equipment, booklist and address of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, but unfortunately the letters arrived a few days into the term and Wednesday was a year too young to go anyway. But is was only a matter of a do-it-yourself forgery kit from Wednesdays birthday the previous year and a few of her own creations (including a machine that copies ink, handwriting and the style of pen used - it also had some heavy coggs at the back that you could trap things in before they get squashed to death) and the letter was addressed to Wednesday Addams and dated the next year.

And that is how it came to be that the Addams family were standing in the line to put their hand luggage through the scanners at New York airport. They had stayed in New York for a few days sightseeing and been mentioned in most of the New York newspapers (e.g. BOY TIED TO SPIKE ON STATUE OF LIBERTY'S CROWN BY SISTER and MAN IN PINSTRIPE SUIT USES SPIKE ON EMPIRE STATE BUILDING FOR TARGET PRECTICE AND HITS IT TWICE) and Morticia caused quite scene in a large New York department store by complaining to the assistant.

"Excuse me miss, where are the corsets?"

"Huh?"

"Oh my, have you drunk water from the drains of that Ritz hotel we're staying in? I told Grandmama no good would come of throwing out of date tongue tying potion down the sink."

"Sorry, corsets, um, we don't stock corsets."

"I'm sorry, is this not the biggest clothes shop in New York?"

"Yeah,"

"And is New York not the shopping capital of the world?"

"Well, maybe Paris . . . Oh, save job, yeah it is."

"So shouldn't you have corsets?"

"Yeah I suppose so."

At that point a few more women entered the discussion and sadly the scene ended in a womens' march for corsets to be stocked. The day before the Addams' left for London, by the magic of Chinese factories, Ralph Lauren put corsets in their shop windows and Wednesday had the magical mother daughter day all girls remember, of buying her first corset.

But back to the present, where the view of the x-ray machine over the Addams' hand luggage had caused the attendant of the X-ray maching to pass out with shock, and the man attending the metal detector to believe the machine broken, when Lurch passed through and the machine didn't sense a person going through at all. Of course this resulted in the attendant taking out one of the hand held bars to use as a metal detector.

"Ma'am, would you please hold your arms up and to the side." He asked Morticia. He waved the metal detector over her front and back. It beeped passing over her breasts, and she put her thumb and forefinger into her low cut corset top to find what had caused the beep.

"Gomez, your wedding ring."

"Oh look at that."

"Sorry ma'am, procedure asks I feel you over to make sure you have no concealed weapons."

At this Gomez felt he had to point out the flaw in this particular plan "Come on old man, the dress is so slinky you can see anything you're going to feel."

"Please Gomez, it's not like we haven't done it before."

"Cara mia . . ."

". . .mon amour"

"Sir, ma'am, I'm afraid I can't feel this woman over when she's lying on the floor under the gentleman."

"Oh, sorry."

"Quite all right sir."

After about half an hour, curious things found in Wednesday's socks and a scolding from Grandmama, ("Now dear, I told you we have to be accepting of other cultures and the plane people don't like knives, no idea why.") the Addams' were ready to get on the plane.

Half way through the flight and Pubert seemed to be feeling a little . . . off. He had been crying for about a quarter of an hour when he turned a "delightful shade of green" as described by Morticia or "an awful colour" as described by the air hostess before she gave him a sick bag. He threw up and handed the bag back to the young woman. It wriggled. She smiled and promised to put it in a vacuumed section of the plane where it wouldn't get out.

Next time: Morticia calls Big Ben "quaint", Gomez tries to punt down the river Thames and Thing buys a cheesy union jack hat. This may not all happen as I will probably forget.There also may be SOME development in the story.


	2. Chapter 2

When the Addams' arrived in London they did what any tourist or visitor to the country would do. They went to hire a car.

"Hello, sir, madam, welcome to Edward & Sons Hearses. How can I help?" the woman behind the desk was wearing an out of place pink sweater and a big blue beaded necklace topped off with a straw hat with coloured feathers sticking out of it. She was wearing a sticker that said "My Name is Lucky" which made the fact that her face reminded you of a dog all the more prominent.

"We would like to hire a hearse." said Morticia politely.

"Of course. May I ask who for?" She said, handing the forms to Gomez.

"Well, grandmamma is finding it difficult to walk long distances so we thought we'd hire a car."

"No, I mean, who will be in the coffin?"

"Well, our daughter Wednesday can't stay with us so she'll be getting pride of place 'till she's gone I suppose. She's going away to school."

"Ah, the school in the sky where one learns about God."

Gomez turned to his wife and murmured "In the sky?"

Morticia smiled and turned back to the woman behind the desk, "We wish we could go with her but we know this is one journey she must make alone."

Lucky glanced at the forms Gomez had handed her and typed up a receipt. She handed it over and continued talking to Morticia, "Yes, I've heard a lot of parents want to go after their kids but you mustn't. Soon you'll stop missing her so much."

"Yes, and apparently the parents can't even go see if it's nice before she leaves."

"Um, yes." This was Lucky's reply to the seemingly random comment Morticia made, and the gold coin the size of her palm that Gomez had just handed her.

"Will that be enough?" he asked.

"Oh, I'm sure it will be," she replied, "Remember, you won't miss her forever."

"Of course," said Morticia as they headed out of the door, "But she says she'll write and she'll be back for Christmas anyway."

--

Sorry i haven't updated. I have a lot of writers block with this story. This is basically Half a chapter i wrote a long time ago, but i still can't finish it.

Thank you to all the reviewers!!

I decided to post this when i saw that people have been reccomending me!! Keep reviewing, hopefully i'll be able to keep updating!


	3. Chapter 3

When they got to the Station, the Gateway to platform nine and three quarters had been mysteriously cut off, and Wednesday heard two boys talking about driving instead. Wednesday thought this a good idea and asked to take the hearse.

Gomez immediately called "that dog woman" and bought the car, whilst Lurch fiddled with the engine to upgrade it to the proper requirements for and Addams car. Grandmama unpacked her catapult – "I told you we'd need it Morticia" – and Fester insisted that she take Thing with her "Because it's dangerous to drive when you're tired".

After about an hour they were ready to go (the catapult was because on its maiden voyage, you shouldn't make a flying car launch itself). Wednesday's trunk was in the boot and Thing was in the passenger seat. Wednesday had already slipped her plain black Hogwarts cloak over her usual black dress.

She waved goodbye to her family and nodded at Grandmama. Grandmama pulled the trigger and Wednesday was catapulted into the sky.

XXX

The ride was mostly uneventful. Thing managed to tune into a radio station playing funeral marches. Wednesday smiled.

Halfway through they caught up with the boys she had seen at the station. They were heading slightly of course but Wednesday was sure they would get there. They were flickering in and out of invisibility and constantly changing height. Wednesday leaned out of her window to look back at them.

"Bloody student drivers!"

She came back inside, shocked with herself. "Who would have thought I'd get road rage?" she murmured.

Thing shrugged.

Wednesday shook off the knowledge that she had just seen a hand shrug. Some things were weird even to her.

Wednesday landed in the student car park – it was usually only used by seventh-years, but that was because they were the only ones legally allowed to use a car in this country, there was no _Hogwarts_ rule that said she couldn't park her car here.

She had arrived before the rest of the students, the Addams' had allways been known for their reckless driving and Wednesday was not about to go against tradition.

She joined the other students on the platform; an older girl with bushy brown hair was arguing the existence of Chimney-prone Snorkelwacers with a smaller blonde girl holding a copy of the Quibbler. She walked up to them.

"Of course they're real, my Father keeps them as pets, of course, that was only after he read that article 'Snorkelwacers are your friends'." She stated. (Wednesday doesn't say thngs, she states them.)

"Oh, yes, in the January edition last year, my dad's the editor of the Quibbler you know." Said the blonde girl. She spoke as though she was not talking to anyone other than herself.

"My dad says that magazine is the only decent Magical publication that comes out of Europe. I'm Wednesday Addams." Wednesday heard a few people familiar with the wizarding families of America gasp behind her.

"I'm Luna Lovegood." smiled the other girl, seemingly unaware of the shock the other students were expressing, but Wednesday could see that she was not. She could see that Luna took in everything around her and stored it away for future use. She smiled. She had finally met someone with a similar outlook on life. She could also see that Luna had seen this in her. Luna saw that Wednesday saw that she saw it in Wednesday.

Luna shook hands with Wednesday and decided not to think about what Wednesday saw in her and what she saw in Wednesday, the trains of thought could go on forever.

Luna then shook Thing. She smiled when she realised she now had a friend in Thing, she knew that not many would greet it.

The girls linked arms and followed Hagrid in a boat.

When the rest of the first years were staring in awe at the splendour of Hogwarts, Wednesday walked forward with her head held high, not seeing what all the fuss was about, after all, her father had found way to go punting in their basement.

Hers was the first name in the register of about a Hundred young witches and wizards. She expected it before the Deputy Head stood up and spoke;

"Addams, Wednesday."

Gasps and whispers exploded around the Great Hall, just as she and Luna had predicted.

_Addams._

_I hear they have zombie, werewolves and even un-nameables in their family._

_Her mother just bought Big Ben as a __**holiday home.**_

_Did you see the front page pictures of her father punting down the Thames?_

_SHHHHHH!! If she hears you, you're dead._

Addams was the most feared and respected magical family in America, I say magical, for they were certainly not one hundred percent human. When she stepped up a head above the other students, the mutters got louder as they saw Thing sitting on her shoulder.

* * *

Ok, I said i would include the morticia and gomez in london stuff and I did. just not the thing with Thing & and union jack hat.

I don't know if I still have the humour I used to, i only just got over a REALLY long spell of writers block with this story. The only new joke i came up with is

"Thing shrugged"

Which I think is awesome.

Wednesday doesn not act like herself in this chapter, this is because she is talking to herself and Luna. She will talk normally (for her) next time, pormise!

I think there's a lot more behind Luna than everyone thinks, so here she is. It was an idea I had _after _the writers block, so it might not work out. I hope this is funny, please tell me if it is.

I REALLY wanted Wednesday to pass Harry and Ron in the car and criticize thier driving technique. This is an idea i had before the writers block, so hopefully it's good.

Sorry if I disapointed anyone by putting Wednesday in Slytherin, but the Sorting hat had trouble deciding, as you can see.

Someone asked me to make this into a WednesdayxHarry fic. Sorry, but I don't see that happening at the moment.

i see a wednesdayX?? fic coming up tho . . . . . !! (well, actually she doesn't like them back . . . oh well, maybe in Wednesday Addams and the Prizoner of Azkaban when she's matured.)


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